Maintaining a positive, supportive relationship with one’s partner in the face of life stress is one of the biggest challenges many couples face. Not uncommonly, instead of pulling together to face life’s difficulties, partners become disengaged or even hostile. The person you expect to always have your back begins to feel like the enemy. And sometimes it feels like the harder you try to fix the problem, the worse things get. The good news is that a well-trained couples therapist can usually help. According to recent studies, 90% of couples who see a well-trained Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist experience improvement and 70% report full repair of their relationship. But here’s the bad news: many couples that could benefit from this therapy are reluctant to get help. Unfounded beliefs and misconceptions get in the way.

Here is the truth about six common misconceptions that you can share with clients:

  1. The couples therapist will take sides. On the contrary, an Emotionally Focused Couple (EFT) Therapist is trained to recognize how both partners contribute to their dance of anger or disconnection. Successful therapy invariably requires each partner to understand his or her role in the couple’s distress.
  1. The couples therapist will tell us we should break up.  The role of an EFT Therapist is to help couples understand how their relationship has gone awry and to guide them – for as long as they are willing to try – in how to repair it. The decision of whether to stay in a relationship always belongs to the couple.
  1. We are too far gone; the situation is hopeless. Even long-standing problems can be resolved with EFT therapy. The intensity of anger also does not necessarily indicate that a relationship can’t be improved. The only clear sign that EFT therapy won’t help is if one or both partners have become so disengaged that they are no longer willing to try.
  1. Talking about our problems will make things worse. Many couples have experienced that their own attempts to talk about their problems have made things worse, so this concern is understandable. They may even have had previous experiences in therapy where talking did make things worse. However, an EFT Therapist is trained to create a safe space where problems can be discussed productively. In many cases, the therapist will be able to help partners see each other’s struggles in new ways that open the door to healing and reconciliation.
  1. Couples therapy is a waste of time and does not work. Many therapists who see couples aren’t trained in an effective model of couple therapy and research has shown there is a significant risk that these therapists will not be helpful. However, EFT has years of research demonstrating its effectiveness in helping couples improve their relationships, and follow-up studies show these improvements are long lasting. EFT is one of a handful of couple therapies designated as empirically supported by the American Psychological Association (APA). A therapist trained in EFT is guided by a roadmap that has one of the strongest track records in helping distressed couples.
  1. We (or he or she) need individual therapy first.  A growing body of evidence suggests that successful couple therapy can actually reduce an individual’s symptoms of depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress and other psychological disorders. At the very least, a stronger, more supportive relationship will reduce the suffering both partners experience when one is struggling with a psychological disorder. Couple therapy may not be the only treatment needed when a partner has significant psychological symptoms, but when the relationship has suffered, it is often the best place to start. EFT Couples therapy helps partners join hands in working together on the challenges they are facing individually.

Couples Counseling in Boca Raton

If you are in a relationship that is painful or that you want to improve, consider contacting Elizabeth Pankey-Warren, LCSW, M. Div., ERYT500 Hour Yoga Teacher and a trained EFT Therapist, for counseling. 561 866-6607.

This edited article was originally written by Ruth Jampol, PhD, Licensed Psychologist, Certified EFT Therapist, with an invitation to share it with clients.