When we think of families, it’s easy to picture a happy, balanced, and somewhat “perfect” household. Everyone feels loved, heard, and respected in the family, and as a result, the dynamic functions effortlessly.
Of course, no family can live up to this standard. Because we have such deep hopes that our family will be a place where each member feels loved, accepted and heard, however, it leaves many parents and caregivers feeling helpless when their family can’t get on the same page. Fortunately, with the help of Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), you and your family can make healthy and meaningful connections.
With these connections, your family unit will function better than ever before, and you’ll have a deep bond and respect amongst family members.
1. Emotionally Focused Family Therapy Helps Find the Root of Emotional Issues
When people experience emotional issues, there are typically deeper causes behind them. For example, anger is a common emotional reaction, but people don’t get angry for no reason. There is an underlying cause behind the anger, and emotion-focused therapy will help you understand it. 
EFFT can help weed out emotional issues that are affecting your family. Whether it’s you, your spouse, one of your kids, or a diad within the family who are blocked relationally, we will work to find the root causes.
When you understand why someone often gets angry or becomes shut down and distant about something, it’s much easier to empathize with them. By establishing more empathy in your family, you’ll also establish healthier and closer connections.
2. Emotionally Focused Family Therapy Breaks Down Emotional Blocks
Once we identify the root causes of reactionary emotions, like anger, we can break down those blocks. Why does your child feel like anger is the only way to get their point across? How come you can’t have a family discussion without criticism and disdain coming up?
We put up emotional blocks, or walls, for a reason. They keep us safe, and over time, we learn that certain emotional reactions will garner certain responses. Relational blocks between family members show up as criticism, emotionally reactive anger, or as invulnerability, or distant relational stances. In EFFT, we will work to better understand each family member’s emotional blocks. Together, we’ll figure out why each family member has a specific emotional block, and more importantly, how we can move past them.
3. Everyone Will Be Heard
Many families run into issues because not everyone feels heard and respected. Ideally, each family member has a chance to air their emotions. When you have a large family, however, some members may feel overlooked. Because they don’t feel like anyone will listen, they’ll hide their emotions instead of expressing them. Other families don’t talk about emotions, and children learn to stuff their feelings inside.
In EFFT, we will work to make sure everyone has time to air their feelings. To create a bonded family, we have to make sure everyone feels comfortable expressing themselves. Sessions begin with the whole family (or as much of the family as possible), then perhaps with the parents, the siblings, and those most affected by the painful family interactions. The goal is for each family member to feel more support, safety, care and comfort so they will feel safe to be more emotionally available, responsive and vulnerable. When every member of your family feels comfortable, you’ll notice that it will be much easier to form connections with one another.
4. Your Family Will Have Better Communication Skills
Communication is essential for every relationship, and families are no exception. Many families, especially larger ones or blended ones, run into communication problems at some point. Maybe you have one way of communicating, while your partner has a different method. Perhaps some of your kids like opening up, while others keep to themselves.
With EFFT, your family will learn valuable communication skills to move forward healthily. Your family members won’t always be on the same page, and that’s okay. As long as you have the skills to communicate your emotions in a non-reactionary way, you’ll be able to solve any issue or argument that arises.
The better your family is at communicating, the closer you’ll be. It all starts with opening up, breaking down those emotional blocks, and making relational repairs. The hope is to explore new solutions to past problems and to strengthen new patterns of secure connecting in the family If you’re looking for a way to make healthy connections in your family, consider Emotionally Focused Family Therapy as an effective option!