We may not all be natural therapists, brilliant poets, or confident speakers, but that does not mean we are incapable of helping our loved ones through depression. If you are speaking to a loved one about their depression, there is no need to come off as profound or wise. If you speak, speak from a place of compassion, withhold passing judgement, and refrain from giving much advice. Mostly though, listen! If your loved one isn’t ready to talk much, offer your support by spending time with them in-person; talk a walk together, work on a project, start a new TV show, or read books together. If you want to know what you might say, here are a few lines to get you started:
“I’m here for you.”
One of the biggest pain points for people with depression is feeling alone. Many well-intended friends and family hesitate to reach out or comfort them, unsure of what to do or the “right” words to say. Let it be simple. Acknowledge that you feel for your loved one’s pain, and that they are not alone. If you are hesitant because you have never actually been diagnosed with depression, you can always admit, “I don’t know how you feel, but I am taking in your pain and would love to help you through it.”
“Do you think you might be depressed?”
Sometimes, the best way to start the conversation is to just, well, start the conversation. If you notice a change in your loved one’s demeanor—sleeping less or more, not participating in hobbies, cancelling plans frequently, lacking the same spark in their mood, less care given to household chores or personal hygiene—then it might be time to say something. There is nothing wrong with coming right out and asking if they are depressed. Just make sure you are not accusing them or downplaying the seriousness of their situation. Sometimes when we get uncomfortable, we joke our way through conversations. However, it is best to respond with love and compassion, and just be present with them. Remind them you care about them. It can be through words, a hug, or a gentle squeeze of the hand.
“What can I do for you?”
Your loved one is likely struggling with many small, everyday things. (Like getting out of bed in the morning.) Odds are, they are struggling with other to-do list items. Help chip the weight off their shoulders by offering to do the dishes, cook their meals, or simply sit in the same room as them. The more specific thing you can offer, the better. This helps to calm the pressure of coming up with something, as well as deflects any feelings that they are “asking too much”. Keep in mind: what works for you might not work for everyone. Offer the help you can, but more importantly, listen.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Your loved one may find comfort in venting to you. If this is the case, keep your focus on listening and asking follow-up questions. Avoid giving advice at this time, as it can imply their pain is simple and quick to heal. Here are great ways to practice active listening:
- Maintain eye contact.
- Nod and affirm their main points as they go.
- Put what they said into your own words to confirm understanding.
- Mirror their body language.
“You are allowed to feel that way.”
Validation can go a long way. It is not up to you to fix your loved one; it is only important to be there, hear them, and support them. They could be depressed for a variety of reasons, from chemical imbalances in the brain, to a traumatic childhood experience. Accept them where they are at and let them know you are with them all the way. The biggest gift you may be able to give is your presence.
“I support you signing up for counseling.”
Let them know that counseling may be a very helpful way to work through and resolve their depression. I am currently taking new clients. If you think you or a loved one may be struggling with depression, contact me or have them contact me today. Together, we can explore a way out. Click here to learn more about Depression Treatment.