Emotional abuse has many different faces.
It can show up in the face of a parent who avoids eye contact and silently ignores us all day instead of telling us directly what family rule we broke.
Maybe you’ve seen it in the face of a romantic partner who lied about what happened “that night”, making you doubt your own memories.
It can even show in the face of a terrible boss who breaks you down daily with constant criticism or subtle insults.
While not everyone who experiences emotional abuse develops PTSD, many can.
What Does PTSD Feel Like?
PTSD is a nervous system disorder that causes extreme feelings of distress or fear for a long period of time. To qualify for a diagnosis, symptoms must last for longer than a month and be severe enough to interfere with your work-life balance, close relationships, or ability to accomplish daily tasks.
You may have PTSD if you feel a daily flood of angry outbursts, negative thoughts, insomnia, nightmares, or flashbacks to the traumatic event. It may be difficult for you to come in contact with anything reminiscent of the event, like seeing certain people, going to certain places, or partaking in certain activities again.
Being in a constant state of hyper-vigilance with an unending stream of negative thoughts can seriously distort your self-image or feelings about others. You may make connections that are untrue, like convincing yourself that you are to blame for your trauma when in reality, you had no control.
No matter how separated from the event you are, you may still feel intense feelings of horror, anger, guilt, suspicion, and shame. Like depression, PTSD can disconnect you from activities that used to give you positive emotions. It also causes alterations in the brain that can impact your ability to recall important details about the event.
The Impact of Emotional Abuse on the Brain
Abuse doesn’t have to be physically violent for it to have an impact on the brain. Any attempts to terrorize and control another person to “secure” the relationship they have is abuse. As a result, the victimized partner, child, or employee lives in a constant state of stress that can later develop as trauma.
When our bodies go through stressful events, we produce large amounts of hormones that affect key areas of the brain. Specifically, the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. Experiencing stress every single day is not something that these parts of the brain are built to handle.
Studies show that those who underwent trauma struggle to regulate fear-based emotions, think critically, make healthy decisions, and recall memories more than those who have no trauma.
How Emotional Abuse Affects Life Down the Road
Lowered Self-Esteem
Chances are your abuser made you feel unwanted and deeply alone, two feelings that greatly affect your sense of self-esteem. Feeling like we belong in a larger community is one of the biggest contributors to positive self-esteem.
Cycle of Abusive Relationships
Many people with a history of emotional abuse are blinded to the possibility of a peaceful relationship. As a result, they choose the chaos they know over the tranquility they don’t, and end up in another abusive relationship or workplace that feels more “normal” to them.
Heightened Risk for Long-Term Health Problems
Those who experienced emotional abuse as a child are at a higher risk for long-term health conditions like diabetes, lung disease, malnutrition, vision impairments, heart problems, high blood pressure, and chronic pain.
It’s time to recognize all that you are and all that you’re worth, no matter who in the past made you feel worthless. Working with a counselor like me can spark the process of unlearning anxious behaviors so that you can get back into the driver’s seat of your life.