Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) has seen a steady rise in popularity over the last several years. Unlike many traditional forms of couples therapy, EFT helps you build a greater sense of security in your relationship by learning about your partner’s attachment needs and how to meet them.
You don’t necessarily have to be dealing with major problems in your relationship for EFT to be effective. Maybe you’ve just hit a snag in your communication efforts. Or, you might simply want to feel more connected to your partner.
But, again, there are plenty of couples therapy options out there. How can you tell if you and your partner would benefit from EFT?
Let’s take a closer look, so you can determine if it’s the right move for your relationship.
What to Expect From EFT
Many couples are initially drawn to EFT because it can be a short-term therapy. However, it’s meant to deliver lasting results by boosting your bond and helping you both understand your attachment needs. Those are lessons and skills you can keep using in your relationship forever.
Most people understand the importance of communication in relationships. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to communicate effectively. You and your partner could have completely different communication styles and not fully realize it. EFT can help you better understand each other’s styles and how to approach your conversations more effectively.
Because EFT is an attachment-based theory, you could end up learning more about your partner (and yourself) than you ever thought. Our attachment strategies form in childhood. The attachment style you formed at a very young age could be directly impacting your relationship now, and so could your partner’s. Learning more about those styles can be eye-opening, but it can also cause things to make a lot more sense in your relationship and in your personal journey.
What Are the Stages of EFT?
What Are the Stages of EFT?Even though EFT is a short-term therapy, it’s still broken down into three stages.
Stage one focuses on identifying your attachment needs. When your therapist is able to help you and your partner see and understand these deeply-rooted needs, you’ll start to see how they might be impacting your relationship and causing problems.
Stage two restructures your bond as a couple. You’ll learn new skills that can help you communicate more effectively. You’ll also learn how to break negative patterns and cycles in your relationship by catering to each other’s attachment needs.
In the third stage, you’ll use the skills you’ve learned to address any lingering issues. More importantly, you’ll learn how to use what you’ve learned throughout your EFT experience in your everyday life, long after your sessions are over. By understanding each other’s attachment styles and learning how to communicate more effectively, you can continue to secure your bond and strengthen your relationship for years to come.
Is EFT Right for You?
Obviously, there are other couples therapy options to consider. However, if you’re concerned that your relationship is struggling with negative patterns and your communication is hurtful, EFT could be the perfect solution.
We don’t have control over the attachment styles formed in childhood. A lot of it has to do with how we were raised and the people in our lives throughout those formative years. Ideally, everyone would enter adulthood having a secure attachment style, but that isn’t often the case.
The great thing about EFT for couples is that it doesn’t mask those attachment styles. Instead, it brings them forward and helps you understand them, so you’ll feel less like you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when it comes to communicating with your partner.
If you’re interested in learning more about EFT and how it might benefit your relationship, feel free to contact me.