Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. While you don’t have to have the same communication style as your partner (or other couples), choosing to actively communicate with each other regularly will vastly improve your connection.
On the other hand, a lack of communication can end up damaging your relationship. It can create intimacy issues, foster unresolved conflict, and leave you and your partner feeling dissatisfied in more ways than one.
Sound familiar?
If a lack of communication is already affecting your relationship, it doesn’t mean things need to keep going downhill. Let’s cover a few tips you can use to build your partnership back up and start communicating more effectively.
Make Sure You’re On the Same Page About Communication
The first step in fixing a lack of communication in your relationship is acknowledging it. If you’ve been in a negative cycle of arguments or discontentment in your relationship, consider whether it’s how you’re communicating — or not communicating.
When you acknowledge that there’s a problem with your communication efforts, you and your partner need to make a solid commitment to change.
Because communication is a two-way street, it’s not enough for one of you to recognize there’s a problem. Both of you will have to decide to change the way you connect with each other. That doesn’t mean you’ll do it perfectly right away. But, when you’re both committed, it’s a walk you can take together.
Process How You Feel
One of the biggest problems couples with communication issues face is taking the time to understand how you really feel. When you’re not communicating effectively and you’re also not really digging into your feelings, you’re more likely to argue.
You don’t necessarily have to be in the middle of a conflict to process how you feel. Instead, think about how the lack of communication is impacting you, personally. If you’re unhappy, hurt, or angry, consider why.
When you take the time to process your feelings, you can approach your partner with “I” statements. Using those statements is another great way to foster healthy communication. It doesn’t feel like you’re blaming them for things, and they’re less likely to be defensive and more likely to communicate effectively.
Find New Ways to Connect
Maybe the lack of communication in your relationship is due to busy schedules or stressful situations. Maybe you have kids and every free moment is dedicated to them.
It’s important to carve out time for each other whenever possible. Schedule a date night, or dedicate 30 minutes of time every evening to talk to each other without distractions.
But, you can also take advantage of short “bursts” of communication throughout the day. Check-in with your partner on your lunch break. Send them a text to let them know you’re thinking of them. Call them when you have a few extra minutes. Those small moments add up, and they can make a big difference in how close you feel.
Find Extra Support
It’s not always easy to foster communication or switch up your communication style(s) when you’ve been in a specific pattern for a long time. Thankfully, you don’t have to bear the weight of that change on your own. If you and your partner can recognize that there are issues, you’ve already tackled the toughest step.
As for the rest of it, you can work with a professional to help you. A therapist can help you both navigate the waters of communication. You’ll learn more about your personal communication style, as well as your partner’s. You’ll also learn how to improve communication within the relationship, and avoid falling back into negative patterns that lead to a lack of connection. Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy and how it can help transform your relationship.