If you and your partner are considering couples therapy, it can be difficult to know which is the “right” one for you. You have every right to shop around, but it can help to do your research ahead of time to determine the best course of action for your needs. 

When it comes to emotionally focused therapy (EFT), there are a few things to consider before you dive in. 

EFT can benefit some couples more than others. While it can help almost any couple dealing with attachment issues and specific needs, it’s especially helpful for couples who might be on the brink of separating because of unproductive conflicts. 

Issues like infidelity, addiction, or even burnout within the relationship can all make you and your partner “better” candidates for EFT. Let’s take a closer look at how emotionally focused therapy can benefit your relationship, and whether it’s the right solution. 

The Solution for Detached Couples

There’s a difference between growing apart in a relationship and feeling completely detached from your partner. We all want and deserve a sense of security within our relationships. When that goes away — for whatever reason — it can lead to conflict, stress, a lack of safety, and so much more. 

That kind of disconnect can be caused by a variety of things, from a partner cheating to a traumatic experience. As suggested above, things like addiction, or even stress and burnout can also make it easier to feel detached. 

EFT creates an environment where both partners feel safe and secure. With the therapist present in that environment, you’re more likely to feel comfortable with vulnerability and opening up, which can be the gateway toward reconnecting in your relationship again. 

couple sitting on a bench looking out at a hillside in the desertDealing With a Pattern of Conflicts

Do you tend to have frequent unproductive conflicts in your relationship? Arguing can actually be a healthy and effective thing, when it’s done the right way. Yes, there’s a correct way to argue. 

But, if your arguments tend to go in circles and you both keep bringing up past hurts, there’s never going to be a solution or a conclusion. There’s no closure, so neither one of you can start healing or moving on, making it more likely that you’ll hold grudges and resent each other. 

EFT can help you break those negative patterns. First, it will help you to identify them. Your therapist will work with you to break those cycles so you can communicate more effectively and focus more on your attachment. 

Negative communication habits and behaviors are often learned early in life. They often have to do with attachment issues you might have experienced as a child. Unfortunately, they can lead to relationship issues as adults. It’s important to be able to recognize those issues so you can overcome them, and a therapist can help. 

Safety and Security

Maybe you don’t feel safe and secure in your relationship. Maybe one person has broken trust. Or, you’ve just established an environment that has both of you “on guard” more often than not. 

EFT can help to break down those walls and help you develop a more safe and secure relationship. You should be able to feel comfortable showing vulnerability to your partner. If you don’t, you’ll never develop the kind of intimacy your relationship deserves. 

All of these issues lead back to attachment. If you’re feeling a lack of attachment in your relationship that’s impacting everything else, you’re likely a couple who would benefit more from emotionally focused therapy. 

If you’re still not sure whether EFT is the best solution for your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for more information or to set up an appointment soon.