Mindfulness certainly isn’t a new practice. However, it’s gained more popularity in recent years as people use it to fight back against things like anxiety, panic, and even depression.
Mindfulness practices allow you to stay focused on the present. Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, you can center yourself and feel more grounded in your current situation.
That makes it a great practice for conflict resolution — especially in relationships. By hitting “pause” when you’re in the middle of a conflict with your partner, you might keep yourself from saying or doing something you don’t really mean. You’ll be able to get more in touch with your feelings, and truly think about what you want to say before you say it.
Let’s look at a few mindfulness practices that can make it easier to navigate relationship conflict. Putting these practices in place can help you communicate more effectively and grow together as a couple.
Feel Your Feelings
One of the biggest problems couples tend to have when they’re arguing is not fully expressing how they feel. Maybe you aren’t good with conflict, so you try to “ignore” your feelings or push them down. Maybe you’re worried about how your partner might perceive your opinions, so you keep them to yourself.
Emotions will always demand to be felt. If you push them down now, they’ll keep getting stronger until they can’t be kept silent anymore.
So, instead of trying to ignore those emotions, use mindfulness to feel them. Is your mind racing? Are you angry? Do you feel hurt or betrayed? By acknowledging your feelings, you’ll realize that they’re completely acceptable to have. You’re also less likely to react to them inappropriately.
Take a Minute to Breathe
Sometimes, a few minutes of relaxation can make all the difference in an argument. If you’re upset, let your partner know you need some space. That doesn’t mean you’re walking away from the conflict or trying to ignore it.
But, if you take a few minutes to focus on slow, deep, deliberate breathing, you’re likely to calm down. Your muscles will relax. Your mind will feel more focused. You can come back to the argument with a clearer head and calmer demeanor. That will make it easier for both of you to come up with a resolution.
Stay Focused on the Present
Being mindful allows you to stay focused on whatever conflict you’re dealing with now. When you’re arguing, especially in a relationship, it can be tempting to bring up past hurts. That never ends well and lets your partner know that you never truly forgave them for something that happened in the past.
When you choose to focus on the present, you’ll be more likely to put your current conflict to bed. You’re also more likely to use “I” statements as you tell your partner how you feel, rather than playing the blame game.
Mindfulness allows you to forgive more fully so you don’t hold on to resentment and anger. When the conflict is over, it’s over.
Using Mindfulness to Resolve Conflicts
Every couple fights. Even the happiest, healthiest couples disagree on some things and deal with conflicts. It’s how you work to resolve those conflicts that will make a difference in your relationship.
Mindfulness practices can help conflicts seem less overwhelming. Simply by taking a step back and focusing on your breathing, you’ll be in a better space to move forward with your partner and work things out. Mindfulness encourages you to be more respectful of each other and creates a safe space for both of you to feel — and express — your emotions.
Put some of these ideas into practice the next time you run into a conflict with your partner. You might be surprised by how differently your argument turns out.
If your relationship is struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy.