While focusing on your partner is important, you can’t ignore your own well-being. That includes being kind, considerate, and compassionate with your own feelings. The more compassionate you are with your feelings, the less likely it will be for you to engage in unhealthy relationship patterns, like codependency or even emotional abuse.
Not convinced? Let’s look at a few different reasons why self-compassion is so important.
You’ll Be More Open
Communication is the cornerstone of a strong, healthy relationship. Self-compassion can improve your communication efforts in a few different ways. First, you’ll be more comfortable with vulnerability. When you’re kind to yourself, you’ll be more open to receiving care and feedback from your partner. You’ll also have the confidence to share your feelings, including your needs and wants.
Additionally, self-compassion can help with communication when you’re arguing.
Every couple has disagreements. When you argue the “right” way, it can actually end up strengthening your relationship. Self-compassionate people are more open to compromise. They want to resolve issues while making sure not to ignore their own needs and wants. Being self-compassionate can make it easier to set healthy boundaries within your relationship, which can greatly improve your communication efforts.
Compassion Toward Your Partner
You might find that being more self-compassionate helps you find more compassion for others, too — including your partner.
Instead of focusing on the negatives of your partner’s flaws, you might start to accept their imperfections and even enjoy the little things that make them unique. Self-compassion can change your perspective on a lot of things and help you adopt an attitude of gratitude and positivity.
Increased Trust
When you’re harsh with yourself, you might have a hard time trusting others. Maybe you think you aren’t good enough, so your partner is going behind your back. Maybe you assume that they’re lying to you or they want to be with someone else.
Showing yourself compassion can give your trust a major boost. You’ll trust yourself more, which can lead to greater trust for your partner, as well. That will increase the harmony in your relationship while decreasing stress, suspicion, and more.
Authenticity
Being self-compassionate allows you to let your true, authentic self come forward. You’ll be able to show your partner who you really are without worrying about judgment or that they might start thinking negatively of you.
When you hide parts of yourself away in a relationship, you’re creating an environment that isn’t built on reality and truth. That’s not a sustainable way to connect with someone, and you can’t lie to yourself or your partner forever.
Be kind to yourself, and you’ll be more likely to let your unique qualities shine through.
Overcoming Difficulties
You’ll undoubtedly face challenges together in your relationship. Maybe you’ll struggle with finances or deal with the death of a loved one. Maybe you’ll have to move across the country together for your partner’s job.
Self-compassion can make it easier to adjust to these changes, no matter how difficult they might be. When you choose to be down on yourself as you go through a hard time, you’ll start self-blaming and it can make you feel worse. Again, self-compassion helps with a positive perspective.
How to Be More Self-Compassionate
Start with simple self-care practices like maintaining a healthy diet and staying physically active. Practice mindfulness or meditation, and write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal each day.
Practice gratitude when it comes to your relationship, and life in general. Think of five things each day that you’re thankful for.
Finally, try to change the way you talk to yourself. Negative thoughts can creep in sometimes, but do what you can to replace them with positive self-talk.
If you need help with self-compassion strategies, don’t hesitate to contact me for information or to set up an appointment for couples therapy. Not only will self-compassion enhance your romantic relationship, but you’re likely to notice a positive difference in your everyday life.