Remember when you first met your partner? Chances are, you were attracted to them fairly quickly. Attraction isn’t always physical, but rather something that pulls you toward them. It’s exciting, fresh, and makes you feel good.
There’s no reason why physical and emotional attraction can’t last forever with a partner. But, over time, it’s not uncommon for it to “fade” because couples don’t take the time to maintain it. Like anything else worth having for years, maintenance and effort are important.
With that in mind, let’s cover some tips you can use to cultivate and maintain a long-term attraction to your partner, so you can feel the same pull toward them in 20 years that you do today.
Prioritize Healthy Communication
Strong, open communication should be the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Prioritize distraction-free conversations daily with your partner. If you’re both busy, set aside times each week to dedicate to communication and connection.
Healthy communication allows both people in a relationship to see where their partner is at. It gives you the opportunity to talk about your feelings, needs, and wants in a setting that is free from judgment. This kind of deep connection cultivates attraction from the start and encourages vulnerability, which will boost intimacy for years to come.
Don’t Stop Dating
When you’re with someone for a long time, things can start to feel more routine than they did when you first got together.
While life happens and routines can be comfortable, make sure you never stop “dating” your partner. Prioritize one-on-one time together that goes beyond the everyday routine. Do fun things. Surprise them. Make sure they know how you feel.
Don’t assume that this means you have to plan out grand gestures every day. Sometimes, the smallest things can make the biggest impact and keep the attraction alive.
As you continue to date each other, you’re also more likely to keep the physical intimacy alive in your relationship. You’ll be reminded of what things were like when you first started dating, and that element of fun can go a long way in boosting physical attraction as well as growing your emotional intimacy.
Practice Gratitude
It’s easy to focus on the negative things in a relationship. It’s even easier to become stagnant and just go with the flow, rather than acknowledging how good things are.
When you choose to adopt an attitude of gratitude about your relationship, you’re likely to cultivate attraction to your partner in new ways every day.
One way to practice gratitude is to keep a journal. Write down a few things at the end of every day that you’re grateful for when it comes to your partner and your relationship. Not only will this give you time to reflect on what attracts you to your partner, but you’ll eventually have a long list of things you can look back on and remind yourself why that attraction is so important.
Don’t Be Afraid to Grow
Maintaining a sense of independence in a relationship is more important than many people realize. But autonomy helps with togetherness. When you choose to explore your independence, celebrate your personal victories, and engage in your own interests, you’ll grow as an individual and within your relationship.
Choosing continued growth throughout your relationship allows for a greater chance of self-discovery. There’s something very attractive about someone who isn’t afraid to experience continued growth, and you and your partner will see that in each other.
If you find that you’re struggling with the maintenance required for long-term attraction, you’re not alone. It’s not always easy to cultivate, especially if you’ve been in a particular routine for a while. Feel free to contact me to set up an appointment for couples therapy, and we’ll work on even more ways you can prioritize this aspect of your relationship.