Everyone wants to feel validated, especially when you’re in a relationship with someone you care about. However, if you’ve been in that relationship for a while, you might be guilty of letting things slide. Even if you and your partner are happy and healthy together, it’s still important to show them that they matter.
The art of validation is something that will help your relationship continue to grow for years. It will improve communication, strengthen your bond, boost your intimacy, and so much more.
Validation is more than simply doing things your partner likes. It’s a matter of really showing them you see and hear them every day.
So, what can you do to show your partner they matter?
Be an Active Listener
Validation doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Simply listening to what your partner has to say can go a long way. Pay attention when they’re speaking and don’t allow other things to distract you. Show interest by asking questions or repeating things for clarification.
As you’re listening, validate their feelings. You don’t have to understand everything your partner is feeling, but you should let them know it matters. Say things like, “I can see where you’re coming from,” or “that sounds like something really hard to go through.”
Your partner isn’t necessarily looking for you to “fix” things or even help them. They want to be heard, and they want to know that their emotions are valid and normal.
Be Empathetic
Again, you don’t have to completely agree or even fully understand your partner’s perspective, but you should try to put yourself in their shoes. Use “I” statements to share how their feelings affect you without playing the blame game. It should be done in an effort to better understand where they’re coming from.
One of the most important things you can do is to be present, and let your partner know you’re there. Things like gentle physical touch (hand-holding, hugging, etc.), making eye contact, and being genuine with your statements and questions can make a big difference in how they feel. Make sure your partner knows you understand them, even when you don’t agree with them.
Why Validation Matters
Everyone deserves to be heard. Think about how you might feel if your partner didn’t validate you. What would it do to your relationship if they never listened to or acknowledged your feelings, or accepted those feelings without judgment?
It’s essential to make sure validation is a priority within your relationship. When partners feel validated, they’re more likely to open up, show vulnerability, and trust each other. It fosters a sense of security within the relationship and can lead to greater emotional safety.
Validation also helps with conflict resolution. You might experience fewer conflicts, for one, because you’re communicating on a deeper level. When conflicts do arise, they’re likely to be less extreme because both partners feel understood and respected and don’t have to worry about their feelings being criticized.
Keep Checking In
Validation in a relationship isn’t a one-time thing. You shouldn’t assume that having a lengthy conversation once in a while is quality relationship maintenance. Rather, you should be checking in with your partner (and vice versa) frequently. Ask how they are doing and be genuine about it.
This creates a constant stream of communication that will help you both feel closer than ever.
For some, the art of validation can take a bit more effort, especially if you’ve struggled with communication in the past. If you’re ready to make it a priority in your relationship, it’s okay to reach out for help. Contact me to set up a consultation for couples counseling soon.