Attachment trauma is typically something that occurs very early in life. In a perfect world, all children would form secure attachments with their parents or caregivers. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.
Attachment trauma can occur due to abuse or neglect in childhood. Inconsistent caregiving can also create problems, caused by everything from separations in the family (including divorce) or the grief associated with death and loss.
You might not remember what you experienced as a child. However, trauma tends to linger within the mind and body for years if it’s unresolved and unhealed. You could be dealing with the lingering effects of attachment trauma without realizing it.
Let’s take a closer look at how unhealed attachment trauma shows up in everyday life, so you can get some answers and seek out the help you deserve to move forward.
Emotional Dysregulation
As a child, it’s the responsibility of your parents or caregivers to teach you about your emotions and how to manage them. If you didn’t form a secure attachment with your caregivers, you might not have learned about emotional regulation.
As an adult, that can lead to emotional flooding or withdrawal. You might feel extreme emotions, even in “small” situations. Do you find that you react with sudden outbursts to even minor issues? That includes showing extreme anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety.
Emotional dysregulation also often contributes to low self-esteem. You might not realize you’re holding onto unhealed trauma, but your experience can cause feelings of shame, guilt, and low self-worth that you don’t fully understand.
Relationship Issues
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, then, that some of the issues associated with emotional dysregulation can impact your relationships. Beyond that, when you experience attachment trauma, you might struggle with other relationship issues that make it difficult to form or hold onto healthy connections.
It’s not uncommon for those with attachment trauma to have a hard time trusting others. You might have a fear of abandonment, even if you’re not entirely sure why. That can cause you to either fall into codependent relationships or keep people at arm’s length so you don’t have to get too close or committed. You might always assume the worst, worrying about being abandoned by friends, family members, or people you’re in romantic relationships with.
Withdrawing from relationships entirely might make you feel like you’re protecting yourself and others. However, it’s likely to make your symptoms worse and fuel feelings of self-doubt.
Other Everyday Signs of Attachment Trauma
Attachment trauma can impact people differently. While most people experience at least some of the signs and symptoms already listed, there are additional thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that can come forward.
Some people might have a hard time coping with the effects of attachment trauma. As a result, they look for unhealthy ways of dealing with their feelings. That often includes substance abuse or even eating disorders to make you feel like you have some sense of control.
It’s also not uncommon for those with attachment trauma to be people pleasers and perfectionists. You might prioritize the needs of others above your own as a way to avoid confrontation or even as an attempt to strengthen your relationships.
Obviously, attachment trauma can take a toll on your quality of life. While everything from lifestyle changes to leaning on your support system can help, the best thing you can do is to talk to a trauma therapist.
You don’t have to remember everything that happened to you as a child to find therapy effective. Working with a mental health professional will help you better understand the root of your trauma and what you experienced. It will also help you develop healthy, effective coping strategies that you can use to overcome the impact of trauma, no matter what stage of life you’re in.
