In a marriage or intimate relationship, our partner or spouse is like a mirror for us, reflecting back to us our best and our worst selves, hopefully in a way that we can receive it. As we learn more about our good side and our unhealed dark side, intimate relationships remind us we may not have yet learned to love like we want to. Berating ourselves for this is not helpful, instead it is an opportunity for growth. A safe therapeutic relationship can remind us how abundantly and limitlessly we are loved. When we remember how lovable we are, we can be more loving. Therapy can help heal and restore our relationship so we can create safety and connection with our partner. As Richard Rohr, one of my meditation teacher’s states, it is where the welding takes place at the crack in a steel bar that ends up being the strongest place.
Emotionally Focused Therapy
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) we learn to listen with fresh eyes and an open heart with the intention of truly hearing (as opposed to thinking about how we want to respond). In turn, we feel heard in a way that is softening, soothing and healing. In this space, we can admit how we have hurt or been hurt by our partner. We practice vulnerability and let ourselves fall into a sustained vulnerability where it becomes second nature to apologize, to admit when we are wrong, and to seek to be a more loving partner. It is when we can create new, positive experiences in therapy that we feel safe, valued and loved and can truly grow.
If you are looking for more safety, love and connection in your relationship, contact Elizabeth Pankey-Warren or call her on 561 866-6607.