Experiencing pain is part of life. Suffering is inevitable, but how we respond to it is our choice. The goal in therapy is not to try and eliminate the unpleasant and painful aspects of our life because that is not possible. It is better to see our pain as an opportunity for growth. If we do not deal with our pain, if we choose to deny it or stuff it down inside, it will seep out in some way. We may become negative, bitter or our unexamined pain may manifest in a physical illness; our body’s way of telling us we have issues to deal with.
In therapy, we talk about intergenerational pain. If we don’t look at and resolve our negative patterns, we energetically pass them on to the next generation. If we don’t transform our pain, we will transmit it – usually to our family, our neighbors, our co workers, and most sadly, to the most vulnerable, our children.
Instead, in the safety of a relationship with a therapist, we can acknowledge our pain, learn what it has to teach us and let it go. In this difficult but sacred act of self reflection, we are broken open and then able to move into a deeper level of consciousness. Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama met to talk and of suffering they said: that when it is acknowledged, examined, and healed, 8 pillars of joy appear. Four of these are qualities of the mind: perspective, humility, humor and acceptance. The other four qualities are of the heart: forgiveness, compassion, gratitude and generosity (The Book of Joy, 2016). We cultivate these qualities as we courageously look at our pain.
Christine Apter, one of my yoga teachers, talks about diluting the negative in our lives by experiencing it in vastness. For example, if we stir an amount of salt into a small cup of water and drink it, it will be entirely too salty. However, if we dilute this same amount of salt into a large pitcher of water, it won’t taste unpleasantly salty. In the same way, we cultivate living out of the vastness at our center so that we can dilute the negative in our lives. Accepting that the negative is part of every life, we instead focus on diluting the negative by experiencing it within our groundedness. Our ability to live out of the vastness inside of us improves with practice. We do this by breathing intentionally, sitting in silence, moving our body and talking with a therapist about pain that we feel inside.
Therapist in Boca
If you would like a safe space to look at any pain within and then move into joy, contact Elizabeth Pankey-Warren Psychotherapy or call 561/866-6607 for an appointment.