Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) may have been developed in the 1980s, but the core principles are just as effective today when it comes to resolving pain and repairing bonds in your relationship.
EFT is a short-term therapy designed to create more secure attachments within your relationship.
Everyone has different attachment bonds that typically stem from childhood. You might have a different attachment style from your partner, but if one (or both) of you doesn’t have a secure attachment, it can create conflict, pain, and roadblocks in your relationship.
EFT provides a solution to that pain and can help you improve your communication and build stronger bonds.
If you’ve never heard of EFT or you’ve been wondering if it’s right for you, let’s dive a little deeper into how it can improve your relationship and your attachment issues.
De-Escalation
Emotionally Focused Therapy is broken up into three stages, offering a sort of “road map” for both you and your therapist to follow.
The first stage is de-escalation.
Throughout this stage, you’ll begin to identify points of disconnection with your partner. How do you interact? Do you have specific negative emotions that could stem from attachment issues? Are there any negative patterns your relationship is dealing with?
As you identify these negative points, you’ll start to see how they’re harming your relationship. The de-escalation process allows you to strengthen your relational bond by being more emotionally vulnerable and more fully engaged with each other.
For almost any type of therapy to be successful, you need to discover the “root” of the problem. In EFT, that’s what the de-escalation process is for.
Restructuring
Once you’ve discovered your points of disconnection, you’ll work on changing the way you express yourself in a relationship.
Restructuring focuses on sharing your emotions and understanding your partner’s needs. As you both become more open and willing to express yourselves, you’ll form a more secure bond. That leads to improved communication and greater intimacy within your relationship.
Consolidation
The final stage of Emotionally Focused Therapy is consolidation. It focuses on growing your new skills and learning how to use them when you’re interacting with your partner.
This gives you the opportunity to “improve” upon your skills with the help of your therapist. Because EFT is a short-term treatment, it’s important to hone in on those skills quickly, so you can use them in your relationship long after your sessions are over.
You’ll be able to replace negative old patterns with new, healthy behaviors and positive cycles. This fosters permanent changes within your relationship and can help you both to heal from the pain of your past.
Is EFT Right for You?
Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or you want to repair the relational bonds with others in your life, EFT can help. It improves emotional function and can help you become more aware of other people’s needs—especially those close to you.
While EFT can be incredibly effective, it will only work if you’re truly willing to show vulnerability and break the cycle of negative patterns in your life and relationships.
If you’re considering EFT for couples, your partner has to be on board, too. It’s not always easy to discuss attachment issues or look at the problem areas in your relationship. However, doing so in an Emotionally Focused Therapy setting can be the first step in strengthening your bond.
If you’re interested in learning more about EFT, contact me. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have, or to set you up for an appointment so you can start repairing your relational bonds and moving on from the pain you’ve been experiencing.