ADHD isn’t just a disorder for children. Many adults deal with it, whether they were undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as a child. 

While there are treatments and management techniques for adults with ADHD, many still struggle with symptoms like disorganization, trouble focusing, impulsivity, and forgetfulness. 

Those don’t exactly sound like characteristics that make it easy to communicate in a relationship. 

While you might have to make adjustments to effectively communicate with your ADHD partner, it’s not impossible. 

With a few tips and some patience and practice, you can have a relationship built on strong communication and connection. Let’s cover four things you should know about communicating with your ADHD partner, so you can start to improve that connection right away.

1. It’s Important to Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Your partner isn’t trying to ignore you or get distracted while you’re talking to them. They’re also not using their disorder as an excuse. 

One of the best things you can do to improve communication is to think about what your partner is feeling and how they’re getting through every conversation. The longer you’re with them, the more you’ll pick up on their symptoms. You’ll notice what works to keep their attention and what doesn’t. 

If you don’t observe it, ask them! Talk about what you can do, together, to improve your communication efforts by making it easier for them to focus on your conversation.

2. Active Listening is Crucial

Many adults with ADHD can feel frustrated or even guilty if they have a hard time communicating. 

It’s important that you play an active listening role as often as possible. Talk face-to-face whenever you can and pick up on nonverbal cues and expressions. Validate what your partner is saying by asking questions, repeating what they said to make sure you’re understanding correctly, and not correcting them if they misspeak or can’t get their point across clearly. 

Everyone’s feelings deserve to be validated. That’s especially true for people with ADHD who feel overwhelmed and “different.” Your partner wants to be accepted, and you can play a huge role in making sure they are.

3. You Play an Active Role

Again, the longer you’re with your partner, the more you’ll learn about their disorder. You’ll pick up on symptoms that are unique to them. 

You’ll also learn what might cause those symptoms to become worse. 

It’s not uncommon for adults with ADHD to be “triggered” by certain things that can exacerbate their symptoms and make it harder for them to stay focused. It’s important that you understand your role when it comes to those triggers. 

Are you making your partner feel ignored? Are you criticizing them? Or are you validating them and encouraging them? Do you praise them for their accomplishments or only focus on the negative things? 

You might not be the one with a disorder, but you still play a part in how much that disorder affects your relationship. 

4. You’re on the Same Team

No matter how frustrating communication efforts can sometimes be, remember that you and your partner want the same things. Even if that frustration leads to arguing, you’re on the same team and have the same end goals in mind. 

When you go into conversations (and disagreements) with that mindset, you’re more likely to keep a positive perspective, even when you can’t see eye-to-eye. You’re also less likely to get frustrated with your partner if they’re having trouble communicating their thoughts and feelings. 

Healthy communication can be challenging in any relationship. However, it often requires more work and patience when someone is dealing with ADHD. Keep these ideas in mind to improve your communication efforts, understand your partner, and strengthen your bond. 

Reach out to me so I can help you overcome any relationship issues you are facing through couples therapy.