Most couples understand how traditional couples therapy works. However, some choose to take the Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) approach when it comes to strengthening their relationship.
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is a short-term approach, usually lasting anywhere from 12-20 sessions. The goal isn’t necessarily to “fix” all the issues in your relationship. Rather, it’s to strengthen the emotional attachment and bond between you and your partner.
Whether you’re already involved in EFT or you’re considering it for your relationship, it’s normal to want to know whether it’s working or not.
How can you tell? What are some signs that things are improving and your attachment is getting stronger?
What Can Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy Help With?
Before you can determine if therapy is working for you and your partner, it’s a good idea to have an understanding of how it can help.
Along with helping couples who are feeling lonely or detached or frustrated in their relationship, EFT can also be used to treat the following in relationships:
- Mental health issues affecting the relationship
- Couples dealing with a fatal illness
- Couples with chronically ill children
- A partnership where one person has PTSD or ADHD or is a trauma survivor.
EFT is designed for couples who are dealing with anything from depression to frequent arguing. EFT therapy with those who have been struggling for a while is especially effective because an EFT therapist helps hold off the shame and work through the difficult issues, so you are able to accept your partner’s love. For instance, if one partner is critical, an EFT therapist helps you understand that criticizing is actually a protest for connection and a sign that this partner is hurting. After learning that our hurtful coping strategies are just ways of dealing with pain and helping each partner take in the other’s attachment longings, fears and needs, an EFT therapist teaches couples how to have different, more loving conversations.
Signs Therapy Is Working
Still not sure what to look for?
For starters, consider asking your therapist about your progress. It is good to open up about any concerns or questions you have relatively early on.
You can also pay close attention to any changes you’re witnessing or experiencing with your partner.
For example, have you been able to identify negative cycles in your relationship? Have you been able to pinpoint what’s causing those cycles, and how you can break free from them?
Are you more aware of your own emotions, as well as your partner’s feelings? Furthermore, are you feeling heard by your partner, do you feel like your partner is more able to hold your longings or pain? Do you sense a more open stance to consider each others feelings?
What to Expect
Early on, you’ll go through argument patterns and learn about things that might trigger you as individuals or as a couple. EFT recognizes that unprocessed pain and resentment block out love. Once the pain between partners is processed with my help, the love seems to come back more alive. EFT helps you get in touch with what is going on inside, creates an environment where it feels safe to share your most vulnerable feelings. This helps your partner hear your perspective. After feeling heard and understood, there is a new openness that helps you let go of negative patterns.
As an EFT therapist, I will guide you through communication skills. You’ll learn how to effectively communicate your needs to your partner, and how to respond to their needs with compassion and empathy.
These subtle changes can completely shift your relationship. They will help to re-establish a secure connection and attachment between you and your partner. You’ll feel more emotionally secure and more willing to solve conflicts together.
The real issue you’re trying to address in this type of therapy is emotional distance or detachment. That’s why it’s so common for couples who have gone through something traumatic or are dealing with a difficult situation.
When you consider whether you’re feeling closer to your partner or if your attachment feels stronger, you’ll have a better understanding of whether the therapy is working.
Is Emotionally-Focused Therapy Right for You?
EFT helps partners process any emotional pain that comes alive when we don’t feel understood by the other. EFT therapy effectively helps hold each partner’s pain, creates limbic revision so parents feel closer and more emotionally secure with your partner.
If you’re interested in learning more about emotionally focused couples therapy, feel free to contact me for information or to set up an appointment.