The experiences we go through as a child often have a greater impact on our adult lives than we realize. When it comes to your relationships, harmful attachment issues in childhood can have a negative effect on your connections as an adult. They can impact your friendships, work relationships, and even romantic partnerships.
There are so many possibilities when it comes to unmet childhood needs, that it’s not always easy for someone to understand how what they went through could be steering the ship of how they navigate relationships today.
Maybe you experienced emotional neglect or had inconsistent care. Maybe your attachment was disrupted somehow, like through a messy divorce or a death in the family.
Whatever the case, understanding the connection between unmet childhood needs and relationships can make it easier to get to the root of your relationship issues and take positive strides forward to help with attachment issues.
Troubling Attachment Styles
In a perfect world, every child and their parents or caregivers would establish a secure attachment style. All needs would be met, and everyone would experience emotional fulfillment.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
Attachment styles are formed at an early age and mold the way we interact with other people. If you experienced any attachment inconsistencies as a child, they can carry over into adult relationships.
For example, if you experienced emotional neglect, you might have a fear of abandonment as an adult. You might be extremely clingy to partners and friends, and deal with codependency. On the other hand, you might have a hard time trusting people and letting them in. Either dynamic can create an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship.
Communication Issues
Communication IssuesUnmet childhood needs can also create communication problems. Healthy communication is essential for a strong relationship.
As a child, if you didn’t experience emotional validation or no one was active listening to what you had to say, it can create unhealthy communication patterns in your adult relationships. You might struggle with how to express your feelings. You might also have a fear of vulnerability, because you believe your feelings don’t matter.
Sometimes, you might feel the need to push people away — even those closest to you. If anyone has ever suggested that you have an emotional wall up, it could very well stem from childhood. You might keep people at arm’s length when it comes to your true emotions as a defense mechanism. Unfortunately, doing that means you’ll never be able to get as close to someone as you might want to.
Unmet Emotional Connections
If your emotional needs weren’t met as a child, you might have a hard time with emotional intimacy now. Your childhood wounds can create large barriers that keep you from being vulnerable and completely honest with the people in your life.
Those childhood issues can also make it hard to trust people. While trust is something that people often earn, you might feel like you can’t fully trust anyone because of your past experiences. If that’s the case, you’re never going to have a deep, meaningful relationship where both people feel safe to express themselves.
What Can You Do?
Recognizing that your unmet childhood needs are causing relationship issues now is the first step toward healing. It’s not easy to look at your past and want to dig into it again, but it’s often necessary if you want to get to the root of the problem and fix it from the ground up.
Your adult relationships don’t have to be limited or stifled by unmet childhood needs. If you’re ready to experience deeper connections and stronger relationships, consider reaching out for emotionally focused therapy. Together, we’ll uncover those unmet needs, and go over strategies you can use to shift your attachment style, become a better communicator, and open up emotionally.