Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a short-term therapy option that is known to improve the bonds and attachments in romantic partnerships. It’s especially effective for couples who are dealing with conflict or communication issues.
EFT looks at attachment theory to dig deeper into relationships. It can help you break negative patterns, learn where bonding issues have formed, and improve communication patterns that will help you prevent those conflicts in the future.
Let’s take a closer look at the process of emotionally focused therapy for relationships, and whether it might be the best solution for you and your partner.
What to Expect
While EFT is a short-term therapy, you’ll go through three different stages and a variety of techniques to build your connection with your partner.
The first stage is de-escalation. During this stage, your therapist will help you and your partner identify any negative communication patterns you’ve been struggling with. These patterns can be extremely detrimental to relationships, and couples don’t often realize they’re “stuck” in them.
When you’re able to pinpoint the negative emotions associated with your interactions, you can start to change the way you think and act as you communicate. The goal is to create a more available and empathetic way of communicating, and to become a safe person for one another.
The second stage is restructuring. Once you understand what your negative patterns are and how they’re affecting you, you can start to share your emotions with each other. It takes vulnerability to open up and ask for your needs to be met. But, it’s an essential form of communication in a healthy relationship. When you both start to feel more comfortable doing it, you’ll learn to be more responsive to each other’s needs and wants.
Finally, you’ll go through the consolidation stage. Your therapist will help you form new, healthy communication habits to use in place of the old, negative patterns. These are the skills you’ll be able to take with you as you move forward in your relationship, long after your EFT sessions are over.
Why Choose EFT? 
Typically, relationships don’t struggle with negative patterns for no reason. Many of the issues either stem from childhood or past relationships where attachment issues developed.
For example, maybe your father left your family when you were young. That could have influenced your ability to form attachments with others because of trust issues or insecurities that may have stemmed from that abandonment.
EFT can also help if you’ve been in relationships before that caused you to hide your feelings. Being open, honest, and vulnerable is important. If negative experiences in the past taught you to keep those thoughts and feelings to yourself, it could be creating conflict that needs to be addressed.
What Are the Benefits?
If you’re still on the fence about emotionally focused therapy for your relationship, consider some of the biggest benefits you’re likely to experience. You’ll form a stronger bond with your partner. That makes it easier to understand that you’re on the same team. Even if you don’t always agree, you can use the skills learned to come up with a solution together.
EFT can also improve your interpersonal understanding. You’ll become more aware of your partner’s needs. That can help you work with them from a place of empathy, rather than judgment or frustration.
Finally, you’ll learn more about yourself. Negative patterns and habits aren’t always easy to see on your own. A therapist can bring them to light. In doing so, you can change the way you approach things in your relationship.
Interested in learning more about emotionally focused therapy and how it can reduce conflict in your relationship? Don’t hesitate to contact me for more information.