No matter how much you might love them, dealing with an avoidant partner can be frustrating, hurtful, and confusing. It might leave you feeling totally alone in your relationship, even if your partner doesn’t fully realize the impact of their actions.
There are many reasons why your partner might be avoidant. They could have developed an insecure attachment as a child or from a past relationship. Their avoidance is a defense mechanism, which can limit their emotional availability and keep them from opening up.
Thankfully, avoidant individuals don’t have to feel that way forever. There are things you can do as a partner in a relationship to make things better, not only for yourself but for your partner, too. Let’s look at some tips you can use to navigate a relationship with an avoidant partner and strengthen your intimacy.
Create a Safe Environment
You can’t expect your partner to change their avoidant behaviors overnight. It likely either took years of emotional abuse or neglect for them to become this way or a major instance that has impacted them most of their lives.
They need to feel safe in order to change the way they connect and interact. Foster that kind of environment in your relationship. Let them know you’re there for them without pushing them to open up. Do what you can to understand their perspective by being an active listener. When they realize you’ll listen to them without judgment, they’ll be more likely to continue growing a stronger emotional connection with you.
Don’t Be Controlling
While it’s important to express your needs in a relationship, understand that avoidant partners are used to being independent. They might not respond well if you try to control their behaviors in order to make sure your needs are met.
Instead, choose to be as communicative as possible about your needs and wants — physically and emotionally.
Use “I” statements as often as possible, rather than saying things like, “you never” or “you always”. When you focus on expressing how you feel, your partner is less likely to get defensive or feel like they’re being blamed for something.
Don’t Take Things Personally
It can feel hurtful when it seems like your partner is rejecting you or just isn’t emotionally available. Understand that it has nothing to do with you, and you didn’t do anything wrong.
Your partner likely cares about you more than you realize, so even if you feel like they’re rejecting you, try not to be accusatory. That can lead them to feelings of guilt and shame, and wreak havoc on their mental well-being.
Talk About Their Feelings
One of the best ways to better understand where your partner is coming from is to ask about their feelings. They might not be comfortable articulating their needs without being prompted. So, don’t hesitate to ask, and make sure they know their feelings are valid.
By starting a simple conversation about your partner’s feelings, you could be encouraging them to open up more freely and more often.
Suggest Working with a Professional
Navigating a relationship with an avoidant partner will have its challenging moments. You shouldn’t have to shoulder everything yourself. So, consider working with a couples therapist. Couples therapy can help you both improve your communication skills. You’ll also learn strategies that can help you get through difficult times, and things that can boost your emotional connection.
People with avoidant attachment styles can change, but it takes time, patience, and security. If you and your partner are ready to strengthen your bond and they’re ready to overcome an avoidant attachment style, feel free to contact me to set up an appointment.