Have you ever told someone — or even yourself — that you’ve moved on from an issue, but you know that deep down you’re still holding onto it? Maybe your feelings were hurt by a partner, or maybe you felt insignificant at work and tried to brush it off, but couldn’t.
Unresolved feelings occur more frequently than most of us realize. We tend to hold onto and internalize things because we think we should let them go. But, it’s easier said than done.
Unfortunately, those unresolved feelings could end up causing issues mentally and physically. They can mean something, and it’s important to not only acknowledge them, but also to work through them so you can truly move forward.
Why We Hold Onto Things
People repress or push down their feelings for a variety of reasons. Some of it is societal. You might think that if you express what you’re really feeling, people will judge you. They’ll think you’re too sensitive or that you’re overreacting. That can be an especially problematic mindset in romantic relationships. If you keep pushing down your emotions, you could end up creating an unhealthy balance between you and your partner. Your relationship will lack communication, and you could even end up becoming a victim of emotional abuse.
Sometimes feelings go unresolved when the brain is trying to protect you. Repressing emotions can be a defense mechanism if your mind believes those feelings are too difficult for you to keep remembering. While that can be a temporary solution, the feelings don’t automatically disappear, and you can still carry them around in ways that can be detrimental to your well-being.
The Risks of Unresolved Feelings
Unresolved feelings can manifest themselves in different ways. From a mental health standpoint, they can contribute to stress, anxiety, or depression. If you’ve pushed down emotions associated with a traumatic event, you could even be dealing with PTSD without fully realizing the impact of it.
When you don’t work through your feelings, they can also impact your relationships. You might have a hard time trusting people or showing vulnerability, even with those closest to you. You might also lack confidence or self-esteem, or get anxious easily around people, assuming they’re judging you or that the worst possible scenario is always about to happen.
Physically, unresolved feelings can lead to pain, fatigue, and even stomach issues. These are all largely due to stress being stored in the body. Research has shown that even if you try to “forget” about certain feelings, your body is likely to hang onto them, and they can show up through different ailments or various kinds of discomfort.
Releasing Your Feelings
The first step to releasing unresolved feelings is to acknowledge them. That can be easier said than done, especially if you’ve been holding onto them for a while. Consider working with a therapist to uncover the feelings you’ve been pushing down. As you bring them to the surface, even if they feel painful for a while, you’ll finally have the opportunity to work through them, and you don’t have to do it on your own.
Let go of personal judgment when it comes to your unresolved feelings. Again, therapy can help you work through this. You can focus on making “I” statements about how you feel without worrying about anyone thinking negatively about your emotions.
Finally, get in the habit of expressing your feelings every day. Doing so will help you keep them at the surface so you don’t feel the need to push your emotions down when they’re negative or hard to deal with.
Don’t let unresolved feelings dictate the way you live your life, mentally or physically. Feel free to contact me for more information about EFT Therapy or to set up an appointment soon.