Are You And Your Partner Drifting Apart?
- Do you feel disconnected from your partner?
- Are the two of you stuck in a negative pattern and unable to break out?
- Do you wish there was a way to hit the reset button and get back to the way things used to be?
Even though you want to turn to your partner for emotional connection, you may no longer feel a deep, loving bond with them. Instead of feeling close to each other, perhaps the hurts between you over the years has left you both feeling isolated and alone. You may have noticed that your relationship no longer feels as comforting and nurturing as it once did, but you are unsure how to re-establish intimacy.
Perhaps you feel emotionally deprived or rejected by your partner, leading to feelings of anxiety and a sense of uncertainty about the relationship. As you anxiously hope your partner will respond to you, your sense of rejection could show up as criticism, anger, or resentment.
If one of you is reacting anxiously, then the other partner could be avoiding engaging as a way of turning down the emotional heat. This dynamic could be leaving one or both of you feeling estranged from each other. In distressed couples, the ratio of positive to negative interactions is too high. It is difficult to de-escalate and repair, and to soothe oneself or one’s partners. Without counseling, the negative cycle becomes repetitive and shows up quicker and quicker.
The good news is that with couples therapy you can once again be more affirming with each other and find your way back to the close, nurturing, fun relationship you once knew.
All Couples Face Challenges From Time To Time
We all get into negative cycles with our partners. Each of us brings the wounds from our childhoods into our marriages. These old hurts can lead us to easily feel hurt, unloved, or unable to reach out to each other. As Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused therapy says, “There is no other experience that will have more impact on our lives—our happiness and health—than our success at loving and being loved.”
Each of us is the result of our relationship history—the interactions we have had with our significant others—starting with our parents and siblings and continuing with our partners. Our history affects how we perceive ourselves and how good we feel about ourselves. We bring this sense of self and others into our long-term relationships.
As humans, we are wired for connection, but because we all enter our relationships with old wounds unhealed, we hurt and get hurt and then find it difficult to be emotionally present with our partner. There is little time devoted to teaching us to feel, acknowledge, or handle our emotions in a real and healthy way. Problems emerge when we disown, deny, or suppress our needs and feelings.
Furthermore, there is the stigma that married people shouldn’t have fights and don’t need counseling. In truth, all couples have conflict. So much separation and divorce could be avoided if we only knew it is ok to ask for help.
Fortunately, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) can show you how to reduce conflict and recover from it more quickly. For couples who want to be in a conscious relationship or for whom their negative cycle has become painful, this form of couples counseling can help partners connect in new, healthy, more loving ways.
Couples Therapy Can Teach You Both How To Express Your Feelings And Grow Closer
EFT couples therapy is a research-based approach that has proven to be exceptionally effective in years of study. Research has shown that between 70 to 73 percent of couples were able to recover from marital distress and 90 percent of couples report a significant improvement in their relationship.
As a certified Emotionally Focused therapist for couples, I am passionate about helping you rebuild an emotional connection with your partner. During sessions, we will examine the underlying emotions that affect each of your behaviors, help you validate your partner’s experience and create affirming, emotional experiences that can transform your relationship into a secure and loving one.
In our initial session, I will begin to build a positive alliance with you and your partner as we identify the negative cycle that brought you into therapy. We will identify the problem issues as the “cycle”, and reiterate that the blame is not on either partner, but on the cycle itself. In EFT, there is no “bad guy”, only repeated mis-attempts at connection and self protection. I seek to be authentic and transparent, creating a safe haven in our sessions where each partner feels equally honored and cared for. It is important that each of you feel my unconditional acceptance and empathy in order for the therapy to be most effective.
EFT couples therapy moves through several stages. First, we identify the negative cycle and the effect it is having on each of you. We will make sure to reframe the problem as the “negative cycle” that has hijacked the relationship, and validate the unacknowledged underlying emotions that drive the negative behavior. We work to discover and validate each partner’s attachment needs.
From there, I will help promote the acceptance of your partner’s experience. I will facilitate new emotional interactions to help redefine your relationship as emotionally engaged, safe, and comforting.
Finally, we will be able to find new solutions to old relationship problems and create a new cycle where you are both accessible and responsive to each other. This is how a new close bond between you can be solidified. Final sessions will help you examine the ways you have structured your lives to prevent maintaining a secure bond. You will work together to find ways to restructure your time so that your relationship can once again thrive.
At the conclusion of couples therapy, my clients experience less conflict, have more frequent positive interactions, are able to better express their emotions, and empathize with their partner’s emotions. They can ask for what they need from each other and have their requests met with understanding and compassion.
With over 20 years of experience as a couples therapist, I have seen couples overcome deep pain and stay emotionally engaged and empathetic to each other, allowing for a more positive, affectionate bond. I want the same for you and your partner.
But you may still be wondering whether couples therapy is right for you…
My partner doesn’t think we need therapy.
I work to make each session feel safe and inviting so that even a reluctant partner feels the urge to speak up about how they are feeling. In the EFT framework of couples counseling, the more “withdrawing” partner gets to experience how relieving it is to be able to talk about how they feel and what they need in the relationship.
Isn’t conflict between partners normal? Don’t all marriages eventually end up like this?
By the end of EFT couples therapy, I am confident that you will both behave differently towards each other. My hope is that your interactions will leave you feeling loved and cared. As Sue Johnson reminds us, “Loving relationships are the key to creating families that teach the skills necessary to maintain a civilized society.”
My partner has never been able to meet my needs. I don’t see how couples counseling would change that.
EFT couples therapy can help you perceive and respond to each other differently. The breakthroughs that occur can change the dynamic you have with each other, resetting the foundation of the relationship itself. Emotional bonding is a vital human need that extends from cradle to grave. EFT couples therapy is the way to find that healthy attachment.
Reconnection With Your Partner Is Possible
You no longer have to feel alone in your relationship. You have the ability to get closer and rediscover love and intimacy with your partner again. For a free, 15-minute consultation, please contact me through my website contact form or call me at 561-866-6607
While focusing on your partner is important, you can’t ignore your own well-being. That includes being kind, considerate, and compassionate with your own feelings.
-
At first, it might seem strange to consider the fact that there is a “right” way to argue. But, the way you handle conflicts in your life can have a direct impact on your romantic relationships, friendships, familial relationships, and career.
-
No matter how much you might love them, dealing with an avoidant partner can be frustrating, hurtful, and confusing. It might leave you feeling totally alone in your relationship, even if your partner doesn’t fully realize the impact of their actions.
Mindfulness certainly isn’t a new practice. However, it’s gained more popularity in recent years as people use it to fight back against things like anxiety, panic, and even depression.
-
Do you feel like you’re constantly struggling to connect with your partner in your relationship? There might be alienation issues, a lack of attachment, and negative patterns that keep you from experiencing the bond a healthy couple deserves.
-
Dr. John Gottman, one of the most experienced and esteemed marriage therapists, has studied marital interactions for decades. He has identified 4 toxic behaviors between partners. He calls these the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”
-
If you and your partner are considering couples therapy, it can be difficult to know which is the “right” one for you. You have every right to shop around, but it can help to do your research ahead of time to determine the best course of action for your needs.
-
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. That doesn’t mean you need to agree on everything, and it doesn’t mean you have to have the exact same communication style as your partner.
-
Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. While you don’t have to have the same communication style as your partner (or other couples), choosing to actively communicate with each other regularly will vastly improve your connection.
-
There are countless types of couples therapy. Some are more general, while others are designed to deal with specific relationship issues. It’s important that couples take a look at their needs and what they might be going through before deciding on the right approach.
